love like that is rare. I am sorry you lost him so suddenly but you are in a way lucky for finding that:) I wish you peace

Not that guy... Yes I am Very lucky to have had this man as my soulmate and best friend.. It makes me miss him more , a reminder of what I no Longer have... I do smile at the memories of the good times and the life we made together .Yes. I have been blessed .. I hope you find peace today...

Not that guy... Yes I am Very lucky to have had this man as my soulmate and best friend.. It makes miss him more , a reminder of what I no Longer have... I do smile at the memories of the good times and the life we made together .Yes. I have been blessed .. I hope you find peace today...

Thank you for returning to give us support. Sparkle has help me through some tough time also. Thank you both.

I lost my husband of 41 years on Sept. 25. I agree it is the worst kind of feeling. it almost seems unreal. I know you said your husband went suddenly. I'm not sure which is worse. My husband had a brain tumor and I was his caregiver for 3 and 1/2 years. I was with him pretty much 24/7 except when I slept and had nurses come in. I have lots of good memories from years ago, but the last few have been very hard.We got very close as I was doing everything for him. Then there were times when I would get so tired that I was impatient and mean.Now I feel so guilty for not always being sweet and kind. He was the best patient imaginable and always thanked me for every little thing. He understood that it was really hard for me and would always forgive me when I would loose it. We always did everything together when he was well and now I am not only missing my husband, but also my very best friend.I joined a grief share group at church but so far it has not helped much. Only 3 other women and they have all been widows for a number of years. Sometimes I just want to go to heaven to be with him again. I know he would not choose to come back here with all the deficits he had. I would be selfish to want that. I just miss his presence so much. Should I look for a different group? I realize that there will always be this emptyness and pain, but i know that I need to stay sane for my kids and grandkids.How long has your husband been gone? Does it get better with time?

Dianne, you have been the most loving faithful wife a man could have. Please don't feel guilt for feeling impatient and exhausted. You are a human being with all the strenghs and weakneses that go along with that. You were remarkable, don't ever forget it!!
My husband has been gone for 9 mos now. Sometimes it feels like yesterday . I miss him terribly. the pain starts the first thing in the morning at dawn . I realize he is gone and not coming back . my head just spins with thoughts of his absence . He was sick with an intestinal bug for 4 days, he went to bed early and he died on our bed. I pray and thank God for this wonderful man who was my best friend and lover. 41 yrsi is a long time, you don't ever get over the loss of your husband , it just gets softer..
I have wonderful support of my daughters and friends who keep me busy with movies, plays, trips to the beach and mts. I'm learning to be single, it's hard. But I know my husband is with me I can feel him with me .
I did join a support group which has been helpful . There are 3 other widows who lost their husband' s recently . There has been good discussion and I have felt healing.if you feel you need a different group check out you church, or hospital . You need to feel good about your support group. We read a book and use it as the kick off for discussion. I highly recommend this ; Understanding Your Grief by
Alan Wolfelt. I bought it from Amazon . Get the journal that is the companion piece. Writing your feelings is very
healing . I have been reading books, on loss and grief and this has helped and been validating for me to know that my feelings are normal and not crazy. Going to Pilates and walking on treadmill raises my spirits . Take care of you be gentle.dealing with loss is hard work.. Take care ... Dianne. ;))))

Hi Maria, Thank you for the kind words. I just tried to write to you and my computer went down and I lost the message. This morning was especially difficult for me. I always wake up and realize that my husband is gone. I keep remembering things that I would like to have done differently.(knowing that Now I cannot) I feel that my husband loved me more than I loved him. He was always kind even while going through the hell of having a brain tumor for 3+ years. He could not see or hear well, could not walk or do anything but sit there. I would feed him and help transfer him to the potty chair and read ti him. When people came to visit him, they always felt like he blessed them more than they did him. What an amazing spirit he had! He was a strong believer and continued to say that God is in control and He is good. I believe that too, but I get angry that God allowed John to go through all that he endured. I know that I could not have done it. It seems that God always takes the Best and leaves the rest here to learn more. I have learned so much from my husband,but still have much to learn. He always cared more about others than himself. I was trying my best to keep him here for me. I loved him so much but wanting him here in that condition was selfish. At times I was so exhausted I couldn't even think straight. I just kept doing ,doing and researching the computer every spare minute to try and find another treatment. I was still searching the day before he died. He had 2 visitors on that Monday and then I was giving him lunch in his feeding tube and he asked me if I was ok. I said " i'm trying to be ok". He fell asleep about 1:30pm and I could not wake him up. The nurse said to let him sleep awhile. I tried again at 4:30 and then I knew something was wrong. We got him to the hospital, thinking that he would wake up as he had before, but he never did. He just stayed unresponsive and passed away the next morning at 8:30.
I have been trying to stay active and going with friends and cleaning out my basement etc., but the pain of loss still remains. I have friends that are widows for 4 years and 10 years and they tell me that the sadness never goes away, it just gets easier to endure. I pray that you are doing well and able to enjoy this Thanksgiving. Do you have children and are they close by? I have 5 , but only 3 are close enough to visit now and then. The others are 12 hours away. Prayers are with you, Dianne

Dianne, your husband was a special man who endured and kept the faith. We can all learn from that. It doesn't erase your pain. You did all you could possibly do . He loved you for that,so be happy for that love. Sometimes I feel the same not doing enough but daughters say I did what I could. My husband had a heart attack over 13 yrs ago. But didn't always take care Of himself the way he should have, could have with eating more meat, drinking more than he should have. He was a wonderful , smart, fun and witty man with a passion for history and his job with nuclear power. When work went south , I think he became depressed. I wanted him to see a dr but no "he was fine ,he would say. He had all his medical annual tests ,part of which weren't normal. After speaking with Drs. They said he died because if a perfect storm of events .. Dehydration, and electrolytes off . so, yes will always second guess ourselves but it will never bring our guys back.
We had 2 daughters and now 5 grandchildren . The joy of my life they all are. My oldest will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner for 23 people!! Family coming in from out of town will be nice.
Yes, I know what you and your friends mean when they say the loss is always there... Damn it hurts!
The house is quiet and maybe too big for me now. but it is the house we built and to leave I would suffer another loss of wonderful neighbors who have been so supportive. Wishing you a peaceful Thanksgiving as we give thanks for our husband and the life we made and journeyed together with love. We were blessed!!!

Hi Maria, So nice to chat with you. Today has been very quiet. Makes me miss john more than ever. I've been writting thank you notes for weeks it seems. Just can't seem to get it done! I have 5 children from 22-39. My son is the 22 and then I have 4 daughters 31,34,37,and 39. So far 10 grandchildren and one due this Dec.21st. My youngest daughter is in Chicago and expecting her 4th. I am going there from Pa. where I live to be with her from the 14th of Dec. to Jan 4th. John would have loved to be there too, as he was crazy about his grandkids.How old are your children and grandkids? Our oldest is 15. It dosen't seem possible! Where do you live?
John also had a heart attack in 1996, but he did all he could to take care....exercised every day and ate very healthy. I have been told that his brain tumor could be from taking the cholostrol drug zocor for a long time. I am very careful with Drs. Don't like them much and only go myself if I'm in alot of pain. I really don't trust them. Well i better go and make contact with my daughter. She has been sick with bronchytis and possible pneumonia. Have a wonderful holiday with your family.I,m sure they are a blessing to you ! Dianne

hi Dianne, thanks for getting back to me. my day sounds much like yours. Went to Y for my Pilates class , feels good to get out. People are nice and friendly and it gets me out of the house. It was a beautiful day and just stayed outside and cleaned off the driveway. I too wrote notes today , thanking friends who have stood by me these difficult months. I think I wrote over 60 thank you after the funeral and just couldn't finish. It was painful .
wow!!! 10 grandchildren!!! How do you do that? I have 5 ages(. 9,7,set of twins, 6 and 5 yr old ) Yep they all came at once!! They are such a delight in my life as Im sure you feel about yours. My girls are 40, 38. I also live in PA! In Chester County. would be a coincidence if we lived close by!!! Your are fortunate to have such a big family! With another on the way !!! Best of luck to your daughter and you..
Interesting about the Zocor. my husband took Zocor for awhile than they switched him to Crestor. He did exercise at the Y riding the bike but for the last 6 mos. didn't seem himself. I still have a lot of unanswered questions. I get weary going round and round with the cause of his death . So many other issues that don't add up.. It's always nice to talk to you.. Happy Thanksgiving .... Give thanks for the blessings!!!

Hi, I live in York,pa. Not to far away. Maybe we could visit after the holidays. I have been writting thank yous all day. It's very hard, but it's been almost 2 months, so I figured I better get them done. Now I have 51 ready to go, and it's getting time for bed. we'll talk again after Turkey Day. Dianne

Hi Maria, How have you been? I am at my daughter's house in Chicago, now taking care of her 3 little guys. I love them to pieces! My daughter and her hubby left today at 3:30 for the hospital which is 1 hour away. She just called awhile ago with news of their new baby girl. They named her Noel Joy. I guess that's appropriate for a Christmas baby.
John will be gone 3 months on Christmas. Sometimes I still can't believe it is true. How crazy is that? This usually hits me when I first wake up in the morning. I have been going to bed at 1-3am. At least then I'm so tired that I can'y help but sleep.
We should try to get together after I come home to Pa. How far is Chester county from York. I don't think it is too far. Maybe we could meet half way for lunch or something? Have you lived in Pa. all of your life? I have. Before coming to York, my husband and I lived in Phila. for 2 years and before that we lived in Norristown.
I hope you are having an ok Christmas season. It is so hard with all the memories of happy times in the past that will never happen again. But I know that I need to get a grip and move on with my life. Just don't know what to do. I was a Piano teacher before John got sick. Not sure that I want to do that again.
John provided very well, so I don't have to work, but it is so lonely and boring just sitting at home. He was a mechanical engineer and worked with hydro power.
I get confused trying to use this site, but I think I am getting better.A computer whiz I am NOT. But I keep trying. Hope to hear from you and may you have a blessed Christmas with your family and grandkids. I can't wait to meet my new granddaughter tomarrow. God bless,Dianne